The importance of conversation cannot be overemphasized. Sometimes, even though you speak to the other with goodness, you find yourselves having unsuccessful communication with him. This is because you need the strategy in having good communication with others concerning what kinds of words to speak in consideration of them, what kinds of expression to use to open their hearts, how to form mutual agreement in the conversation, etc.

While speaking emotionally, you might miss the core point of what you have to say. On the contrary, if you prepare yourselves thoroughly, you can reduce mistakes and establish good relationship with others, and lead the conversation. Let's look into the following three types of conversation patterns to have a proper mutual communication.


1. Follow mutual communication method to have a good conversation

Mutual communication method fills each other's deficient parts and causes no conflict between the speaker and the listener. That is, you react according to the counterpart's heart even if his message is short of something.

When your friend asks for your helping hand, you have to say yes and help him with joy. The key of mutual communication is not to seek the reasons for saying no but to find reasons for saying yes.

In order to maintain good conversation, we need to keep balance in sharing our hearts with others. In other words, we can continue to have good communication when giving good impression on each other.



How to have better communication

You have to build mutual communication from beginning to end.

You have to listen to others attentively.

You have to accept others' words and respond with honesty.

You have to answer in the affirmative.

You have to answer with joy and repeat what the other said.

For example, a person says to you, "We will have a meeting at 2 P.M. tomorrow." And you can say, "Yes, thank you. Then, see you in the meeting at 2 P.M. tomorrow." (Repetition)



2. Avoid 'double-faced' communication in which words and hearts are inconsistent

In the "Double-faced" communication, the core message is not revealed directly but the message is hidden. Here, it's important to figure out the hidden message because the words and the intention are different.

Let's say a wife says to her husband, "Sweetie, the garbage bag is full." What does she really want to say? She means that she wants him to throw it away. But her husband says, "Well, you're right. It's full." Then, he fails to read his wife's mind.

The wife uses the "double-faced" communication skill. She needs to make a habit of speaking honestly. How about this? "Sweetie, I need your help. I am sorry to ask it but could you please throw away the garbage bag?"

Of course, if a husband feels her heart even through her "two-faced" communication and throws the bag away with joy, he gains her trust and makes her happy. But it's not easy to act by reading the hidden message. So it's better to avoid the "two-faced" communication to improve your communication skill.


3. To stop conversation, use unilateral communication

If two persons talk to each other in the unilateral communication method, they have different feeling. If the counterpart reacts in a different way from one expects, their conversations ends up an opposite communication.

If you give a short answer to the question the other has asked of you, or you don't want to give helping hands in the unilateral communication, they naturally think, "What is this all about? He doesn't speak the same language with me. I'd better stop talking to him." And they will close their hearts and just say only what they are supposed to say, feeling offended.

It's difficult to keep good relations with such a person. Therefore, you might as well avoid the unilateral communication. But if you want to change mood or conversation topic because the topic is not beneficial and constructive, it's good to use this unilateral communication skill.


[TIP] Mirroring Effects and BMW

Everybody knows empathic reaction is important in conversation. But why is it that they are not good at emphatic reaction? This is because they don't know how to do it or they haven't practiced enough.

Now, please stand before a mirror for practice. What do you look like in the mirror? Are you smiling? Are you raising your right hand? When you say hello, do you in the mirror say hello, too? Of course, another 'you' in the mirror follow your movement exactly.

The Mirroring Effect is to follow others to empathize with them when it comes to feeling, behavior, and ways of speaking. It doesn't mean you follow every movement of them. If you apply it in a wrong way, you will hurt their feeling because they might think you are ridiculing them. You need to show your sympathy towards them wisely in the middle of conversation.

Then, they may think, "Well, this person and me have a lot in common. He understands me. I'll keep talking to him." And they open their heart. This serves as a good opportunity for you to gain what you need. In other words, you become an attractive person that people like to talk to.

Now let's look into BMW method. BMW is acronym of Body language, Mood, and Words. When you use proper body language, control mood, and make use of good words, you can have good communication.

BMW

Body Language - Posture, gesture, attire, attitude, movement, facial expression, breathing, sitting posture, and location of feet

Mood - Joy, sorrow, brightness, quietness, passion, feeling, conviction, and value

Words - Speed, pitch, expression, voice volume, professional terminology, length of sentences, tone, and reaction


Deaconess Christine Sunsook Choi

Work experience
Former lecturer on "Working Life and Etiquette" in Korea Extension University
Former lecturer in Kangaroo Service Academy of Samsung C&T Corporation
Former lecturer in Hello Service Academy of Shinsegae Department Store
Former lecturer in Topaz Education Center of Cheil Industries Inc.
Current secretary office worker in Manmin Central Church